Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize