there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
