Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
