I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
