dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
