If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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