If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she smelled like a LAN party
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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