Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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