Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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