Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
