STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
