nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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