they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
