im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
