I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
