People in love make me want to vomit
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
