I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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