The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
