I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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