I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
