I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
