i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
