had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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