My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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