She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
