i jhust puked up my retainher.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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