I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
