Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
