I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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