she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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