i jhust puked up my retainher.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize