I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize