five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
