we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
