Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
