I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
