Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
