im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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