My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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