I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
