I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
