My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
