When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
