YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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