At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
