im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize