I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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