i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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