Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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