Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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