Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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