how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
