I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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