i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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