But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
