I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
