if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I supernannyed him into submission
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
