Don't make out with my wife yet
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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