Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
