we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
